Ugly Naked Neighbor

“You have to come see this.”

I follow my husband to his office window. I look out to see what has amused him so much that he is almost giddy.

Does this image seem familiar?

images (1)It is the Friends cast seeing “Ugly Naked Guy” for the first time. They aren’t the only ones to be both entertained and disgusted by the view from their window. As we look out of our window, my husband and I are getting our first glimpse at our very own “Ugly Naked Guy”.

The back of our house faces the side of our neighbor’s house. The distance between our two houses is the street and my driveway (which is a car length).

All of our windows have curtains that we open every morning and close at night. Our neighbor has left his dining and living room windows without treatments of any sort. The rest of his twenty-eight windows have paper shades. Why he left four windows without paper shades is beyond me. For twenty dollars, he could spare us seeing offensive UGLY NAKED NEIGHBOR.

The human body is beautiful, you say. Look at all of the famous paintings, by Renoir for example. Ahh… I believe they are all women. Let’s face it; the female form is far more beautiful and desirable to gaze upon than its male counterpart. What about the Statue of David? Okay, I’ll give you that one, but my neighbor is less like David and more like the neighbor on “Friends” – more of an eye sore. It makes you want to say “eww” ! And even if he was a beautiful woman or chiseled like David, I still do not want to see that view from my windows.

Our neighbor has his laptop, with a phone right beside it, set up on his dining room table. Every night he sits at the table working, in the light of his laptop. The only other light comes from the stairway right behind him. There is just enough light to see our neighbor in all his naked magnificence hideousness.

We can’t believe it. I want to hang a banner in my windows or from my balcony: WE CAN SEE YOU. PLEASE GET WINDOW TREATMENTS!

In the meantime, we close our curtains a little earlier, just to be on the safe side.

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25 Comments

  1. Hahaha. Hahaha. I can’t stop laughing about this. Yes, the human form is beautiful…but sometimes that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, amiright?
    Natalie D recently posted…Baking on a Friday NightMy Profile

  2. I once had the horror of seeing a neighbor with a strong resemblance to Borat standing stark naked in his doorway while he was calling in his dog. At 3 in the afternoon.

    Most human bodies look better with something, anything, even a throw rug over the dangly bits, on them.
    Vanessa D. recently posted…Me and My Big Fat MouthMy Profile

    • Hahaha! Three in the afternoon? Scary what some people find acceptable behavior. There used to be nudist colonies for people who wanted to live naked. A throw rug would be a definite improvement :)
      Robin recently posted…Ugly Naked NeighborMy Profile

  3. This made me laugh, but I would hate it if I was in your situation! Maybe if you duct tape a pair of giant sweatpants to the window that faces your neighbor’s house, he’ll get the hint ;)

  4. This is too funny – and kind of ewww at the same time, Robin. Seriously? What is wrong with some people? Especially, sorry to be sexist, but – older men. Put a shirt on – and please – keep your pants on.

    • I know! Old or young, I find a shirt is always appropriate unless you are at the beach or a pool. Pants are a given.

      He can run around his house naked all day long and into the night; if he would just put up some window treatments.
      Robin recently posted…Ugly Naked NeighborMy Profile

  5. Damn, I’m jealous—you have your very own “ugly naked guy”! Not many can boast living in a sitcom.

    How about stuffing a bunch of promotional brochures for male underwear into his mailbox on a daily basis? If that’s not a hint, I don’t know what is!
    Daniel Nest recently posted…10 Things more shocking than Conchita Wurst winning EurovisionMy Profile

  6. Bwahahahahaha
    Twindaddy recently posted…25 Days, 25 Songs: Day 18My Profile

  7. There is nothing better than realizing you want to bleach your eyes to wipe away the memory. ;)
    Jack recently posted…Sometimes Father Doesn’t Know BestMy Profile

  8. For awhile I had a neighbor who would go outside to sing, in what can only loosely be described as holding a tune. I wasn’t sorry when she moved but I will say at least she was always dressed :)
    Photography Journal Blog recently posted…Chickens as ArtMy Profile

    • Some people can be a little odd. I can’t imagine why your neighbor would sing outside, unless someone she lived with wouldn’t let her sing in the house. Thank goodness, no one chases the naked neighbor outside. Of course, he would probably be arrested. He isn’t my most annoying neighbor. Those would be the neighbors who walk their dog off leash and never clean up after it (it goes in front of our home). They also smoke in front of their home and toss all of their butts on the lawn and in the garden and anywhere they walk with their dogs (side of our home). I am probably going to buy a scooper to clean up after their dog and a container for their butts that I will place outside their door anonymously. The other morning they were outside smoking and drinking beer at 9:00 a.m. I hope they move.
      Robin recently posted…Ugly Naked NeighborMy Profile

  9. hysterical! and horrifying! Some people do it on purpose I think, because they believe people actually enjoy seeing that. Wowski. lol

    I miss that tv show, too. It was a good one.
    jen recently posted…Who Am I?My Profile

    • It has been a crazy week and today is the first time I have logged into my dashboard to find first-time comments waiting for approval – sorry for the delay.

      I suspect some people do it on purpose, but I won’t pretend to know his motivation. I didn’t enjoy it, except it was funny – sort of. Wowski! I like that :)
      Robin recently posted…Naked Neighbor and Paper Blinds My Profile

  10. Hi Robin! I’m sure he thinks “If they don’t wanna see it, all they have to do is not look.” But it’s easy to forget to factor in rubbernecking behavior = like driving by a gruesome car crash, the fact that we don’t want to see it makes us want to look even more.

    • His window is approximately 28 feet from my window. I almost can’t avoid seeing into his house and vice-versa. I keep my clothes on. I don’t want to encourage any rubbernecking :)

      Sorry for the delayed reply. Haven’t signed in for a few days to check on comments waiting approval.
      Robin recently posted…Naked Neighbor and Paper Blinds My Profile

  11. Thankfully, it’s summer and he may not need to turn on a light inside until later! I suppose it’s a good thing he’s not hung up about his body, but a little decorum would go a long way when the windows are uncovered. People are funny (odd) aren’t they?!
    lisa recently posted…Comment on S is for Samson by GattinaMy Profile

  12. Maybe a joined note from the community to be pasted on his door. :)
    Dilip recently posted…Cloudy skies make best sunsets!My Profile

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